Really? That’s what you’re wearing?

Pajama princess how beautiful you are,
Wearing those “hello kitty” pants like a hero,
In your head you must be such a star,
Plodding through Wal-mart eating Jell-O.

You are a princess so why should you care,
What the other shoppers think of you,
Those lowly plebes stopping to stare,
As you regally pass in Crocs of blue.

Another feature that commands respect,
Is the yellow scrunchy that you wear,
Like a royal crown made to protect,
That pile of mess you call your hair.

“Free samples on aisle eight!”
Comes the announcement from up above,
The princess moves, her path is straight,
It’s the chicken wings she loves!

Long live Her Royal Highness! End chapter 1.

DH-

Coughing myself to death

Is this to be my hapless plight,
To die of coughing in the night?

Of all the ways it could have come,
Who’d imagine I’d choke upon my lung?

Others go much more dignified,
Dying in battle with honor and pride.

And others still will pass with fame,
Ridding their loved ones of morbid shame.

Not I– for I must walk another path,
One filled with wheezing, rattling gasps.

Nearing Heaven’s gates, I see a man,
It’s St. Peter, cough drops in hand.

Brain Fog and Crazy Thoughts

stupidfaceDo you ever have those days where you wake up in a mental fog? Yeah, it’s one of those days for me. For some reason, I wrestled with sleep last night and as a result today seems fuzzy around the edges so far. It’s unfortunate that this is my mental state on the last day of the year, but unless the coffee takes effect quickly, I may be resigned to live-out 2014 in the mist!

If you’re like me, when you’re in a mental state like I’ve described above, you notice random things and you think crazy thoughts.

For example, I can’t stop staring at this guy sitting at the table across from me (in a coffee shop, of course). He looks like he weighs about 140– no obvious sign of muscle of any kind.  He’s eating a breakfast souffle, a giant muffin and an egg, cheese and ham sandwich, topped-off with a large orange juice.  I wonder if he’s competing in a triathlon today? Continue reading

Urban Goats and Suspicious Kangaroos (Interview)

Picture a Swiss maid, complete with bonnet, mountain cottage located in the Alps and a flock of goats she holds near and dear to her heart (think “Heidi” or “The Sound of Music”).

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Now imagine that same Swiss maiden transported to the heart of Melbourne, Australia, steaming cup of coffee in one hand, laptop under her other arm, goats following obediently behind as they cross the street. The drawstrings of her bonnet fly behind her in the wind, and curious kangaroos peer around corners in suspicion that the goats have come to invade the outback and pillage all available foliage.

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OK, maybe the goats are pushing it a little. My imagination tends to run wild at times. In any regard, this is one way I picture “Momma” when I read her story below. I started following A Momma’s View a few months ago, now I can’t wait to see a notification that she’s posted something new.

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Coffee House Cold War

In case you missed it when it was originally posted–A REBLOG FROM EARLIER IN THE YEAR.

Covert glances around newspaper pages…steely-eyed, angry men wearing muted shades of gray…silent, unsaid threats of catastrophic damage were ever-present…thinly-veiled scorn and contempt for the other side, constantly seeking for ways to outmaneuver the enemy for the upper hand. It was a time of fear where the lives of innocent were at risk and there was a sense of foreboding that no one could escape.

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What am I describing? Could it be a scene in Russia? North Korea? Perhaps this story is set in East Berlin before the fall of the wall? No, this is simply the weekly scene that occurred at my local coffee shop, and it was war. Continue reading

Feeding Chickens in the Land of Dickens (Interview)

Do you ever have one of those days when you just need a pick-me-up?  When I have a day like this, where my coffee just hasn’t been enough to do the trick, I often turn to Mother Hen Diaries. Dorreen Augustine always has that special blend of optimism and wit to catch my attention and perk up my day!

Seriously…she’s funny. It’s what attracted me to her blog initially. With so many blogs that exist to simply be rant sessions, Dorreen’s blog stands out as being a beacon of positivity.

As an American living in the U.K., she has a very interesting perspective on life, one that I find inspirational, and as is the case with many bloggers, Dorreen describes herself much better than I could.  From the About page of Mother Hen Diaries, here is a snippet of what Dorreen has to say about herself:

“First and foremost, I am a Jehovah’s Witness. (Yes, I do knock on doors!) 🙂 I am also a wife, mother, cuddly Nanny, a reader, a thinker, a dreamer and a storyteller, Margarita expert, singer and entertainer, jam maker extraordinaire, serial dieter, and mother to a dozen chickens.”

After following Dorreen’s writing for some time, I was so pleased when she agreed to have a virtual cup of coffee with me to answer my questions for this interview.  Read on for Dorreen’s thoughts and advice around blogging and writing.  It’s good stuff.

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Picking the Nose of a Wicked Witch (Interview)

In this interview, I had the pleasure of interviewing Whitney of Highest Form of Whit (thanks for agreeing to the interview Whitney). Let me start by saying…I really don’t know how to best describe Whitney…the words fail me…I’m drawing a blank.

I started to try, but I had to keep erasing what I wrote as I felt I wasn’t doing the description justice. So rather than try and miserably fail (most likely causing Whitney to become enraged to the point of mass destruction), I thought I’d simply let her describe herself– as written on her About page.

 …I’m an amalgamation of the sense of humor of a 12 year-old boy, the sensibilities of an 80 year-old man, and the figure of a woman in her early twenties. Basically, I’m awesome. And so, by default, is this blog (note the sarcasm). I also suffered from untreated Generalized Anxiety Disorder for fourteen years, which is a main component behind this blog.

I believe in laughing. I believe in love. And I believe in punching anyone in the face who doesn’t think those two things are great. I also believe in contradictions (or do I?).

See, wasn’t that much better than what I could have written?  I’m sure Whitney is somewhere agreeing as she reads this. 😉 She is clever, has a knack for the craft of writing and she’s funny– all things that I enjoy in a writer.

The other think I like about Whitney and her blog– she is true to herself and as a result she’s built-up a loyal following. Recently I’ve become very interested in bloggers who write transparently– letting followers find them, rather than the other way around.  With over 10,000 followers, she fits this description well! I enjoyed reading her answers; I hope you will as well! When you’re finished, if you’d like to read additional interviews with other bloggers click HERE.

(Full disclosure: Whitney uses enough profanity to singe the hair off the ears of a sailor, so read with your visual “bleepers” on if you are so inclined.)

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What motivated you to start your blog Whitney?

I started my blog for a couple of reasons. One, I had just graduated from college but I was living in LA for an extra semester and I wanted something fun to do. Two, because I haven’t read a lot of mental health comedy anywhere and I kind of saw my opportunity to start a conversation in a different way. Three, because I thought people might want to laugh at all of the dumb things I was scared of when I was a kid. Apparently, people do want to laugh at that, which is really freaking sweet!

How did you “find your voice” in blogging?  Your writing appears to be very natural and shows a lot of your personality– was that something you had to work towards or does it come natural to you?
 I didn’t really work at it at all, to be honest. How my blog reads is how I talk. Except I probably include more “that’s what she saids” in my day-to-day conversation (though I am starting to cut back on that a little bit). I’ve always been super snarky and self-deprecative with a 12 year-old boy’s sense of humor. Why try and be something I’m not?
What one thing do you feel has contributed the most towards growing your follower base?

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Medieval Penguins and Red Velvet Cake (Interview)

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What do you get when you combine someone who likes cross stitching, sewing, baking, reading and penguins?  You get Gemma Feltham, of course! As an avid reader myself, I quickly became interested in Gemma’s writing.  That said, although her basis for blogging is reviewing books, it was her thoughts around blogging itself that intrigued me even further.

With over 11,000 followers, Gemma’s If Books Could Blog site is a great example of how your audience will find you when you choose to blog about something you are passionate about.  As you will see below, she started posting as an outlet, but obviously found common ground with many others sharing her love for reading.  In my conversation with her, she was genuinely surprised at the number of followers she has acquired– she simply doesn’t pay attention to it!  (Imagine that…a blogger who doesn’t spend half their day on their ‘Stats’ page!)
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Dream-Speaking

Oh Sleep that doth elude me,
Whither shall I go?

I find no respite upon my pillow,
Why, I cannot know.

Could it be, perhaps because,
Common language I’ve forsaken,

Choosing rather to use bygone terms,
Such as hereunto, thither and awaken.

Or maybe this is all a dream,
A vision of stranger times,

When people could not speak or sleep,
Unless they did so in rhyme.

DH-